Battling Health Issues

A typical physical exam lead me to find out that I had tumor in my thyroid.

Tears, fear, and anxiety began to flood through  my body.

What if its cancerous? The doctor said that there was a possibility that it could be. The autopsy would reveal the truth.

I'm too young to be having this, how did this happen, why......

So, that practically summarizes what I felt when I first heard the news.

I am thankful to report that my tumor is benign and will be surgically removed this coming month. My lifestyle might change after surgery as my thyroid levels might not be balanced anymore.

But, please, don't feel bad for me. I am thankful that this is yet another way that God can allow his love and mercy to show up in my life.
It already has!

Frist, I'm thankful that its not cancerous, although my heart is in pain for those that don't get the same news as I do.

Second, I am thankful that I have great insurance through my job. I will be operated at one of the top hospitals with the top surgeons! What a huge blessing! I definitely don't take this for granted, as I know how it feels to have no insurance. For many months, I relied on government support.

Third, I am thankful for God's peace through all of this. I am grateful that my faith in Him has given me the energy and strength to continue to be live.

This health scare has made me analyze the way that I look at life. I value my health so much, but when its in jeopardy then what?

I am working on accepting that Gods grace is enough for my life. Its definitely easier said than done, but I am starting to understand it. I am also understanding  that what society values and exalts is not what God does.

Through my announcement, I've heard many people say, "BE STRONG, YOUR SO STRONG, YOU CAN HANDLE IT".

But, in reality Im not afraid to say, "I CANT HANDLE IT,  I AM WEAK, AND I AM NOT STRONG".

WHY? Because  I am reminded that I don't have to be all of those things, because my God is already all of those things. He is Strong! He is Almighty. And so am I in him, but never alone.

These past weeks, I've been meditating on this scripture:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV). 


What else can I say, God's grace is enough. Thank-you Lord for teaching me this throughout this process. For being so loving and kind, and for opening doors that I never thought could be opened.

I am in love with you.

The question that I have for you is: Is God's grace enough for you? Or are your desires and wishes more important?

Please let me know what you think and  keep me in your prayers!

Love you all!

Where do I go? What do I do? I need guidance!!!

I know I'm not the only one who has questioned their "purpose" in life. In fact, a lot of people in their twenties seem to be struggling with what to do next in their life. We often questions our jobs, our place in our family, our financial stability, our residence, our successes. I'm almost sure that many of us have probably have stated this to ourselves, "I should be  doing something more, I feel the need to change what I'm doing". Come on, I know your probably shaking your head. Well, you are not alone, in fact there are many of us struggling to figure out what to do next. Check out this paragraph found in an article in the NY times:

            The 20s are a black box, and there is a lot of churning in there. One-third of people in their 20s move to a new residence every year. Forty percent move back home with their parents at least once. They go through an average of seven jobs in their 20s, more job changes than in any other stretch. Two-thirds spend at least some time living with a romantic partner without being married. And marriage occurs later than ever.The median age at first marriage in the early 1970s, when the baby boomers were young, was 21 for women and 23 for men; by 2009 it had climbed to 26 for women and 28 for men, five years in a little more than a generation.


Interesting huh? While reflecting on my own life, and those of my close friends, I've noticed that all of us are seeking direction in EVERY aspect of our lives. We question  where God is leading us. We wonder what God's will for our lives is. We wonder how we can separate ourselves from the world and yet still accomplish His plans. 
This got me thinking about what God's word has to say on this topic. Here is the answer (drum roll please) 
How about this: 


PRAY. 

Bet you weren't expecting that answer huh? The bible teaches us that if we lack wisdom we should as our Father God for it. 

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. James 1:5 (NLT)

How about this:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

So, if God knows the plans for us, and he knows our future, then shouldn't we be asking him for direction?

Sounds too easy huh? 

I think I might know the problem (or at least my problem). The issue is not that we can't pray. It might be the way we pray. We pray with doubt (I know I do), we forget how big God really is. We pray for his guidance but there is that small voice that says, "What if God, doesn't answer me or what if God leads me somewhere I don't want to go, what if He makes a mistake?
We suddenly fear the what ifs.......

I also think that one of our problems is trust. We struggle with giving him full control because honestly we want it! We want to plan the order of our lives, we want to shove our plans in God's face and ask him to help us accomplish it. 

I think about it and wonder how God must feel. How our lack of faith and doubt make him feel. I am reminded of what the Bible tells us about Peter. Remember when Peter was walking on water and he took his eyes off Jesus and started looking at his surroundings. The bible tell us that he began to sink, after rescuing him Jesus asked him, “Your faith is small. Why did you doubt?" Matthew 14:31 NCV

I sometimes wonder how may times Jesus has asked me the same thing! 

My friends, I  pray that we may not worry about whats going to happen in the future. I pray that our doubt can be put down and that our faith can grow. So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ. Romans 10:17 ESV 

Let's ask God for guidance, and remember what Christ has said about each and one of us! 
He alone is the source of our future!

Love you, 

Thesweetsan 

Why I am going through so much pain?

The last couple of months have been the most difficult months of my life. I began feeling depressed and anxious at the start of the school year. I was not sure why, I felt this way. I had taught 3 years, but for some reason this year seemed as if it was my 1st year teaching ever. I dreaded going to work, and looked at the clock constantly waiting for it to hit 3 o'clock. It wasn't that my students were terrible, they were not. It wasn't that I didn't love to teach, because I do. It wasn't a problem with administration, they respected and supported me. It wasn't the parents, they loved me.   It was something inside of me, that I could not understand. I felt out of place, there was times where I wanted to run out of the school in the middle of the day. I could not understand why and how this began. I felt desperate. This started affecting my health. I constantly felt nauseous, weak, sick to my stomach, tired, etc. My close friends saw a difference in me, they would say, "your not yourself", and honestly I didn't feel like I was.  My depression became so intense that I would cry every morning while getting ready to go to work, I would cry before the students came into the classroom, I would cry when I got home.

Weird, huh?

That was not it, though. My mother was starting to feel sick, my brother was suffering from kidney stones, and my dad was going through work problems. I felt helpless. How could I help my mom,my brother, my dad when I was a mess myself? This just added to my depression. I decided to quit my teaching job to be with my family, they needed me, and secretly I know I needed it for myself as well.
Quitting was not as easy as I thought. Apparently, I was a valuable asset as a teacher. The school, didn't want to loose me. The superintendent of our school district didn't want to loose me. He asked me to reconsider my quitting. When I met with our superintendent he looked as me as said, "Sandy, I have heard so many incredible things about you, and I have seen you in action, and you represent what this district is about. I don't want to loose a teacher like you, let me offer you an alternative." Although, many would see this as a blessing, at the moment all this pressure from my leaders was just adding more fire to my depression. I felt like I was letting so many people down, and instead of accepting what I wanted to do, I felt as if now I had to do what they wanted me to do. STAY.But, I had my mind set.

I now had to face my co-workers, the parents, and not to mention my students (whom I love so deeply). This was so incredibly hard. Tears fell from parents eyes,  disappointment from my co-workers, but the hardest was telling my students. Nevertheless, I did. Heart break.

I was finally out, but what I didn't know was what was awaiting me. During the 1st couple of weeks of my unemployment, I felt better. I felt as peace, I felt like myself again.  I was spending time with my mother, she and I needed it. We were planning to head out of the country.
Then the second storm hit! This harder than ever! Family chaos. Although, I am not ready to share this (I'm still going through it), I will one day when the storm has passed.

I began to realize why I was feeling depressed earlier in the year. This may sound very strange and almost crazy to you, but I now know that God was using my depression to do His will in my life. He was preparing me to be there for my family. He was getting my attention. He knew that the storm was coming, and He knew that I belonged at home. He knew I needed to be home for this season of pain and suffering. He knew I would never, ever, think of quitting my job especially because I had everything going well for me, I was in the highlight of my career. He knew that my job had taken priority. He knew the future, he knew my place.

I am not saying that God made me quit my job. NOPE! I'm not saying that God sent me a plague of depression. NOPE! I am not saying that you should quit your job if you feel depressed. NOPE! I'm not saying that you should be afraid of God! NOPE!

I am saying that even throughout all the pain and suffering God worked through it to do his will in MY life! This is how He worked in Sandy' life. He laid out his architectural plan for my life and this is His own personal design for me.

This is incredible! This shows his perfect plan, his love, and grace. It might not be the way you and I would handle  it, but it makes sense to me how He connected everything, and I understand now why everything had to happen this way.

 A great of example of  when God enacted his plan, was the birth of Jesus. A regional census lead Joseph and Mary to travel to Bethlehem. This census was a decree from Caesar, and had to be obeyed. Joseph and Mary had no idea that Jesus was going to be born in Bethlehem, especially not in  a manger. I'm sure they wanted a better place setting for the birth. But, God had everything planned to the t. So you see, God used the census, the occupied inns, and the time to accomplish his will. Everything happen for a reason-for Christ to be born in a humble manger, fit for a different kind of King! Everything makes sense!

I feel the same way about my situation. While I don't dare compare my story with the planning of Christ' birth.  I can't help but to  admire how God's plans are carefully planned and played out.
This is why I can confidently say that, I don't regret quitting, or having to face these hardships, because it is part of His perfect will!


If you are going through the storm right now, your not alone, I'm in the boat next to you! Here is the great news: While in the storm, I have felt the hand of God stronger than ever in my life. I have felt the Holy Spirit' counsel like never before. I have become more dependent on him, and learned to put down my suit of pride.

 My pride told me that I needed to seem strong to the world, that weakness was a bad quality to have. Pride refused for me to even share this story, but  I know that God disapproved my pride, his word clearly says: "God opposes the proud but favors the humble." 1 Peter 5:5 (NLT)

God has healed my anger, and has placed mercy. God has took my thick-skin and has placed a sensible heart. I see myself in HUGE need of him, I feel bankrupted without him. My spirit is poor, but despite it, I know that this pleases God for Christ stated, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven". Matthews 5:3 (NIV) 

I don't  want admiration, I don't want to seem holy or be titled as an amazing Christian (cause frankly I'm not). I want to show that God is merciful and His word is true when it states: And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 (NLT)

I love God for allowing me to go through this because He is with me, and I feel it. I am getting to know my creator, and falling in love with Him. I'm in admiration of Christ and his strength through his pain and suffering.

So, my friend, I pray that you may see the will of God in the midst of your pain and suffering. I pray that you may smile because His way is better. Smile because God loves you and the future is in his hands. Smile because you are alive and because grace has been extended to you.
And remember this:  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18 (NLT)  Smile.

Love,
The Sweet Sandy

P.S. My students are doing so well, they have an amazing teacher (a close friend of mine), and I get to Skype with them whenever I want. They are learning so much, the parents love the new teacher, she's doing a great job! See, God had the right person prepared to take care of his precious kids. His plans are amazing! Who knew? Apparently not me!